After six long volumes of the worst anime I’ve had to review to date, Glass Fleet has finally ended! Is Volume Six as bad as the previous five? Or is it the saving grace of the lot?

plot summary

Cleo must convince the nobles to side with him in order save the galaxy from being pulled by the Black Cross to its doom. He convinces Michel to speak on his behalf to the nobles of the galaxy so they may fight for his new cause. Michel works hard to gather new supporters to Cleo’s cause, and succeeds admirably.

Vetti still desires to unify the galaxy, but his desire to do so is not altruistic. Too late, Vetti’s aims are revealed, and none move to stop him. Except for Cleo. Two swordsmen must fight and only one will win. Only one will unify the galaxy, and only one will save it from it’s doom.

Review

Volume Six was confusing and bad, in other words, exactly in keeping with the rest of the series. The convoluted plot twists were far more confusing than they were intricate, which is what they were supposed to be. It made my head hurt to watch the cheap drama of the finale, and made it almost impossible to describe out loud. I knew what I was seeing but I couldn’t put it into words as to why I was seeing it.

Yet, as bad as Volume Six was, it was actually better than the other volumes, for many reasons- yet was still bad- but for reasons other than why previous volumes were bad. Yes, the finale was as loopy as that statement.

Six didn’t blow as hard as other volumes because it paid attention to all the loose ends. All the tiny bits, attached to the series by the thinnest of threads, were accounted for and given a “decent” finish. It was hard to believe this series, which couldn’t even tell you where it’d been, had taken everything that made NO sense, and made it make sense, albeit a slipshod, dodgy, nonsensical sense. Everything came together in its own way, but was too little too late for something that never had a snowball’s chance in hell to begin with.

The concepts were still beyond ridiculous and contradictory. Ideas kept cropping up which had no logic, but were somehow tied into the rest of the story. Glass Fleet did a fair job making the ludicrousness mesh, but still didn’t cancel out the lameness of the ideas. Lameness relating to other lameness remains lame. It’s like zero (lameness) multiplied by any number is still zero (lame). Basic math.

Character Design

Another reason this volume was better than the rest was the omission of any new, gawdawful character designs. No new overt insults to the fashion world were given, only snide looks. Anything that was already bad, was still there, but no gasoline was poured onto the blazing inferno of Horrific Character Designs. This was so welcome, it actually made the rest of the anime “look” better.

Animation

The animation continued its shifty workmanship, ever changing in style and quality. As the end drew near, the animation grew a bit better and took on a shonen feel. The outlines were heavier and darker, and action lines nudged the style further into shonen.

There was even a shot, right at the end, which was good. G-o-o-d. It was perfectly framed, the faces were appropriately emotional and the action wasn’t stilted or cheap. The shot in question was two seconds long. Out of the entire anime, all nine hours of it, there were two seconds of good animation, and it was at the end of the anime. Better late than never,eh?

Volume Six Conclusion

Volume Six of Glass Fleet really had no chance of turning this series around. It did its best, and was actually better than the rest of the DVDs, but still failed to make any difference in the overall quality of the anime. Maybe if the third or fourth volume had started to come around, the series may have been better. But I can’t lay the fault of the wretchedness of all six volumes at the feet the the final DVD.

Volume Six Rating

Glass Fleet, Volume Six gets 2 outta 4 Hammies!

Series Conclusion

To say Glass Fleet was bad would be an understatement. The entire concept from start to finish was horrible. However, if Glass Fleet adhered to its own rules and its own world, it would have been passable. Not good, though. Never good. As it is, the contradictions, absurdities and forced stereotypes make this series one to avoid. This melange of badness dooms Glass Fleet to the bottom of the anime barrel, hopefully never to see the light of day again.

Series Rating

Glass Fleet gets 1 outta 4 Hammies!

Retail Info

• Publisher: Funimation
• Release Date:May 6, 2008
• Retail Price: $26.99
• Number of discs:1
• Episodes:23-36
• Run Time: 105 minutes
• Rating: TV-PG
• Language: English, Japanese
• Aspect Ratio: 1.78:1
• Format: Animated, Color, Dolby, DVD-Video, NTSC, Subtitled, Widescreen

Whoo-hoo! Volume Five means there’s only one more volume of Glass Fleet to review!

plot summary

After their escape from prison, Cleo and his new friends fight their way to freedom through Vetti’s fleet. Cleo is then at last reunited with Michel, and the two discuss the future of the People’s Army’s future.

But burdened with the knowledge the galaxy is slowly being sucked into the phenomena known as the Black Cross, Cleo is determined to save it, no matter the cost. He must now convince his friends and allies to band together to help him with his new purpose. Cleo must find stronger allies, than these though, and Michel is worried where, and who, Cleo’s dangerous new thoughts will lead them.

review

Glass Fleet has resumed plummeting to its doom thanks to this volume. Volume Five isn’t the worst volume of the bunch (that’d be One) but it’s regained the momentum of suckdom Volume Four managed to shake.

The story has once again become ludicrous and out of focus. The laughability of the “plot” has multiplied, again. And the laws of physics are once again blatantly flouted by a freefall jump into the vacuum of space by Cleo. It takes a really bad piece of work to break the laws of physics, FYI.

We’re supposed to swallow the hastily wired together idea that Cleo is now the galaxy’s savior, not it’s future King. The series shifted gears so fast, I think it stripped something. If this is what the anime was about all along, what the hell was I watching to begin with? Where was the foreshadowing? Why did I have to see the Revolution Army fight four volumes worth of war, only to have the entire idea of nobles and war swatted aside as being inconsequential?

The studio could have easily switched ideas towards the beginning of the series and still introduced Michel as a rebel leader and all that her history entails. They wasted the entire series, thus far, flying around, shooting canon balls in space and looking like a bunch of Fashion Week nightmares. It turns out, none of the previous plot matters, although it was built up as being meaningful and purposeful.

Only about one quarter of what was told prior to this volume has any impact on the new focus. That means I watched 75% pure filler junk. I say filler junk because none of what I saw built character development or provoked any connection. The ideas were put together in such a craphazard way, they didn’t further the story in the least.

Character Development

The last episode had actual story, but the story wasn’t attached to the plot. It was a tale about the pilot, Elmer. The episode was slightly entertaining, but still bad.

Rachel is turning into a psycho wife-leech who needs Vetti in order to define herself. What a difference a marriage to a nut job tyrant can make….

Character Design

It’d be too much to ask for the character designs not to continue to be an affront to the senses. The designs kept right on being tasteless and freakish and even upped the ante in the last episode. I think phallic gate posts win most tasteless design this volume round.

Animation

It really truly feels as if a different group of people animated each volume, even episodes, of Glass Fleet, the animation feels so inconsistent. One shot is detailed and passable, the next is mechanical and grainy. The animation is beyond sub par. Gonzo should have at least had the decency to keep the shots bad throughout.

Conclusion

Joyous is the day I watch Volume Six of Glass Fleet. For only then will my punishment will be over and the gods of anime will truly have forgiven whatever slight caused them to curse me with this series in the first place.

Rating

Glass Fleet, Volume Five gets .5 outta 4 Hammies!

Retail Info

• Publisher: Funimation
• Release Date:March 25, 2008
• Retail Price: $29.98
• Number of discs:1
• Episodes:19-22
• Run Time: 125 minutes
• Rating: TV-PG
• Language: English, Japanese
• Aspect Ratio: 1.78:1
• Format: Animated, Color, Dolby, DVD-Video, NTSC, Subtitled, Widescreen

Thus far, Glass Fleet has been a less than stellar example of a space opera anime. In my previous review, I stated my low opinion of the series and how I “…wish, fervently and often that the Glass Fleet universe gets sucked into a black hole. Now that I’d watch.” Turns out, someone was listening….

plot summary

The Holy Emperor, Vetti Sforza, now has all the pieces in place to fulfill his secret purpose. All the pieces except for Cleo, who languishes in a dungeon, unbeknown to Vetti.

Cleo was captured and imprisoned after the end of the treacherous battle with Vetti’s fleet, which crippled the glass ship and left Michel a prisoner of Vetti. Michel waits patiently for rescue or death, whichever comes first, and Cleo fights to gain his freedom from his jailers and his shrouded past.

But Cleo’s past catches up to him and he’s forced to face the truth about his birth and his destiny. Will Cleo be able to embrace the past and live up to his family’s name?

review

I’m so used to how bad this series is, I barely noticed it stopped its downward free fall and is now circling the drain rather than going directly down it. The series by no means improved, but there was less blatant badness. Bad dialog and crappy animation still floated around, but to a slightly lesser degree. The gods of anime have granted me a temporary reprieve! Whoohoo!

Character Development

I have zero connection with any of these characters and couldn’t care less if they spontaneously poofed outta existence, which is a very real possibility given the bizarre laws of physics in this series. Yet, in one episode, there’s something approximating human interest. Enough so I, wanted to learn where this particular story would lead. After the episode ended, I decided, I still don’t care about theses characters, but I’m a tiny bit more inclined to learn what the end result of the series will be. Too bad I have to watch the whole thing to see how it’ll end. I did say I’d watch the series get sucked into a black hole.

Even though Cleo is given a brief bit of background, he’s still a shallow character, just like the rest of the cast. On an opposite note, a character appears in this volume, who in less than one episode has more interest and depth than every single previously introduced character combined and squared.

Character Design

Keeping up the consistently bad character designs, Volume Four flaunts its poor fashion sense on the very cover of the DVD! The designs defy anyone with taste to take them seriously. C’mon, I dare you to take these designs seriously, double dare you! Sadly, the cast of this anime, and the studio who penned them, take these horrible designs dead serious. Gimme a break, how can I not laugh at a guy with a clock on his crotch?

Animation

I don’t know if Gonzo fired the guy who made the bulk of the wretched shots in previous volumes, but the animation is the one facet of the anime which has improved a teensy, minuscule, microscopic fraction.

There’s still a handful of shots which left me going, WTF?! The one shot which stands out the most as horrific, is the shot where Hysak is running and shouting “Don’t sell the royal family’s secret dashing ability short!”He looks like the frick’n road runner in that scene.

Cleo and Vetti seem to be morphing into plastic dolls, at least as far as I can tell from the animation. They reflect light where normal people wouldn’t, making them appear to be plastic. Or is this the studios sly way of bishi-fying these characters? Is this how we tell a character is supposed to be sexy, by their shiny plasticine heads?

Music

Note to studio: Just because it sounds like a space opera, doesn’t make it a space opera. Once again I was stupefied by the grandness of the soundtrack for this tiny little anime.

Conclusion

This volume of Glass Fleet was bad, but wasn’t as horrible the previous three volumes. I’m not saying it improved, but it’s become easier to bear. Even if I try to look at this anime from the angle of pure camp, it still overshoots camp and goes straight to bad; Plan 9 From Outer Space bad. However, trying to see this anime in a different light does take the edge off.

Rating

Glass Fleet, Volume Four gets 0.5 outta 4 Hammies!

Retail Info

• Publisher: Funimation
• Release Date:February 12, 2008
• Retail Price: $29.98
• Number of discs:1
• Episodes:15-18
• Run Time: 100 minutes
• Rating: TV-PG
• Language: English, Japanese
• Aspect Ratio: 1.78:1
• Format: Animated, Color, Dolby, DVD-Video, NTSC, Subtitled, Widescreen

Gaah! I spoke too soon! It’s Glass Fleet, Volume 3!! I didn’t mean “Do your worst,” literally! Noooooo!!

In volume three of this craptacular downward-spiral of a series, Vetti proves he really is a mother-humper, golden showers rain down on Cleo, and Michel proves “he” has what it takes it make Vetti go gaga over “him”.

plot summary

The People’s Army takes the fight for freedom straight to Vetti and his armada. With the help of the Baroness, Bebe, Michel and his army decimate the opposing fleet.

Cleo lends a hand with his powerful glass ship, but he has an ulterior motive for helping Michel; a fight to the death with Vetti. In a last minute twist, everything Michel had worked for his torn from his grasp. Now he must fight a wholly different battle, as does Cleo.

Will the two survive their upcoming trials to triumph over tyranny?

review

If I could scrub my eyes right now I would. If I had the capability of popping these traumatized orbs outta my skull and sticking them in bleach to wash away the taint of this Volume, I’d do it in a heartbeat. This stunk so bad, it has an actual aroma of failure. But enough about what I felt.

Character Development

We’re given much more insight into Vetti, this volume ’round. The tyrant had a wretched childhood, and it shaped him into the bastard he is today. We’re shown in flashbacks how Vetti was abused and in turn became an abuser. The scene was sick, but didn’t feel attached to the anime. Since nothing is consistent in the series, I’m not surprised that the scene was thrown in for shock value. The ploy of demonizing Vetti’s foster father seemed stuck onto the episode. Then again, everything about Glass Fleet feels like someone took a bucket of random garbage and tossed it on the screen.

Rachel turned out be someone I shouldn’t have put my money on. The way she folded and became weak was disappointing in a sea of disappointments. She was the only character I showed any interest in as she always managed to insult Vetti in clever, subtle ways. Damn, now what am I going to look forward to in Volume Four?

The sick shotacon-ness between Vetti and Ralph was thankfully played down, but nonetheless there.

Cleo is about as interesting as a cinder block, and just as smart. I don’t care about any of these characters and wish, fervently and often that the Glass Fleet universe gets sucked into a black hole. Now that I’d watch.

Unfortunately, the Glass Fleet universe has a “Black Hole Negate Button“, just like they have a “Vacuum On/Off Switch“. The laws of physics were voted down in this anime, during a filibuster of bad taste.

Character Design

Good. Lord. There are now no longer any bad character designs left in the world; Glass Fleet has officially used them all up. I couldn’t believe the character designs could get any worse, but whaddya know, they managed to up the crappiness!

I don’t know where to start critiquing the garish designs Gonzo churned out for Glass Fleet. I can’t fathom who or what inspired the studio to create such blatant ugliness, but I wouldn’t want to meet it in a dark alley, that’s for sure.

Animation

Amazingly, the animation is in a holding pattern of “bad”, whereas everything else has gotten worse, impossible though I thought that was.

Gonzo, Gonzo, what’re we gonna do with you after everyone’s seen this? How can anyone ever look you in the eye again? You’re like the hot co-worker who gets drunk at the company Christmas party and makes a complete ass of herself, and everyone has video of it-on YouTube.

I had predicted this series would keep going down, and it didn’t disappoint. Wow, the one thing Glass Fleet has lived up to so far is its own badness…

Rating

Glass Fleet, Volume Three gets 0 outta 4 Hammies!

Looks like calling kittens foul names has finally caught up with me; it’s penance time in the form of Glass Fleet, Volume Two!

plot summary

Michel has just joined forces with Cleo, when the ship’s crew receives a hail from an ailing cargo vessel. The glass ship answers the SOS and lends a hand to the wounded crew. While helping the cargo crew aboard the ship, Michel finds someone he thinks may be his brother.

Vetti, the Holy Emperor, meanwhile, begins to woo Rachel, the daughter of the leader of the Cross Star religion. He uses honeyed words and eloquent poetry to try and win her hand. Rachel, though, is having none of Vett’s courtship, and continually rebukes the tyrant.

Vetti’s young royal guard, Ralph, has grown jealous of the attention Vetti lavishes on Rachel. Ralph tries to dissuade Vetti’s interest in the girl, only to learn the true reason behind Vetti’s courtship.

After their encounter with the cargo vessel, Michel and Cleo have returned to the People’s Army to lead them to victory. The road to true victory, however, needs funding and the road to funds leads to the Duchess of Bordeaux, Bebe. As Michel and Cleo rush to the Bordeaux Territory, they discover someone else is already trying to win the Duchess to their cause.

review

Volume Two was actually worse than Volume One; much, much worse. I don’t even know where to begin with how bad this series has been so far.

The inconsistent nature of this wretched series has become rampant in this volume. For whatever reason, space in this anime has atmosphere; however, this changes whenever a massive body-count is required. When that happens; Blammo! Instant Vacuum of Doom!!! One minute, people are chatting away on the hull of a ship, next minute- uh oh, no one can hear you scream in space! You know why? Because it’s a frick’n vacuum!!! But hey, Glass Fleet has this nifty Vacuum On/Off switch.

character designs

Each episode of Glass Fleet finds new ways to insult my good taste. The character designs, far from being cleverly inventive, are degrading into the laughable, stupid and tasteless. I give studios credit for trying something new, but the keyword there is “trying”.

Glass Fleet doesn’t look as if anybody tried to design anything that might be passably tasteful or attractive. All the designs are ugly composites of various cultures mushed together without forethought. The colors are garish and loud, and heap on further visual abuse. Rachel’s dresses are the absolute worse fashion faux pas I’ve ever been witness to. She’s the daughter of the leader of the Star Cross religion? Can’t she afford to execute her current fashion designer and hire a new one?

Character Development

The only redeeming quality in this volume was the addition of Rachel. She thinks Vetti’s full of crap and repeatedly insults him. She sees through his shabby attempts at courtship, and throws them back in his face. It’s as if she’s in on this whole joke of an anime.

The absolutely predictable dynamic between Cleo and Michelle, ooops, Michel, is getting boring. Should I be able to know what happens next in an anime? Do I have awesome psychic powers? Or is Glass Fleet so shallow that even a two year-old could follow it?

The bad dialog, crappy story, sub par animation, horrific character designs, and ear-splitting voice-acting is now being touched off with overt hints of shotacon.

Vetti and his “royal guard” display a weird affection for each other beyond mere camaraderie or brotherly love. There’s a sick twang to the “love” these two share which is wholly inappropriate to any anime. I thought it bad enough with the yaoi-ness between Vetti and Cleo, now to have this man-boy love pop up in the series makes watching Glass Fleet that much more burdensome.

Animation

Wait, did I just imply that the shotacon was the worst this series has to offer? My bad, Glass Fleet’s stunningly bad animation is actually far more disturbing than the shotacon; and that’s saying something. Gonzo should burn any mention of their having worked on Glass Fleet and mind-wipe anyone who knows they worked on it.

It’s positively shameful how bad the animation is. In one scene, it looks as though some animator’s kid was given an opportunity to work on GF with his crayons. Yes, crayons. In another scene, as Vetti’s fighting Michel, his jerky choreography is missing whole actions! One second Vetti is lunging towards Michel, the next he appears in front of Michel with zero movements in between.

Music

John Williams, the composer who scored Star Wars, must be pissed something fierce. I know I would be if someone stole my music, and it sure sounds like Glass Fleet ripped its score from Williams’ podium while he wasn’t looking. The grandiose nature of the score is far too big for the smallness of this anime.

Glass Fleet Volume Two outstrips Volume One in terms of overall crappiness and poor quality. If down is where this thing is headed, it doesn’t have long before it’s dead and buried.

Rating

Glass Fleet, Volume Two gets 0.5 outta 4 Hammie kun heads