The name, which sounds a lot like cow piss, is an unintended gaff on the part of the company, which had no intention of equating their drink with the wrong end of a cow. Instead, according to good ol’ wikipedia, the name is taken from the words, calcium and sarpis, the sanskrit word for “good taste”. Even with a totally rational explanation, the name still sounds kinda not so much like a health drink but the name of a dare.

Calpis Candy

Fortunately for the company, they had the good sense to market Calpis as Calipico in the States. Not to mention that their yogurt flavored drinks are so tasty, they program the drinker to forget about any connection to bovine urine their beverage may tenuously have.

Calpis not only manufactures a wide array of yogurt beverages, they also make a yogurt-inspired candy based off their unflavored Calpis drink.

Packaging

Go Calpis! This adorable, eye-catching bag makes me forget their odd moniker. The color scheme matches the Calpis bottle to perfection, with its blue, white and silver hues. Calpis is packaged with soft and inviting themes, with enough shine in the packaging to lure in people who are immune to cute. The friendly, winking star mascot thingie, however, makes me go, awwwwww. There’s a glass of Calpis on the bag, informing me Calpis is a white-colored drink best served over ice. Two half-rounds next to the glass resemble antacid tablets. Is this a serving suggestion, or is this supposed to represent the candy? Score: A+

Appearance

Hmmm, I thought the candies would be in some sort of star shape, like the mascot. What I get are white, semi-translucent rounds. Nix the serving suggestion, the antacid tablets actually were representative of the product. I feel slightly ripped, but hey, it’s about the flavor, not whether or not I get cute, star-shaped goodies, right? Right!? Score: B+

Closeup of Calpis Candy

Texture

This is soft gummy candy texture all the way. First bite is soft and pliable, with some jaw-work thrown in. It’s good stuff, if one is a gummy candy-lover. Score: A-

Flavor

My first impression is of gummy Rolaids® (there’s that antacid angle again!). Taking another taste, reveals the candy does have a yogurt tang and a milky bite. The yogurt tang is actually more lemony than yogurty, however, and the milky bite seems like an after thought.

Calpis isn’t loaded with sugar and is mildly sweet, which is a bonus. It’s got decent flavor, but for some reason, the flavor isn’t jiving with the texture the way it should. Overall the flavor is okay, but it seems at odds with the texture. Perhaps if it had more a more milky base it would work. Score: B

Verdict

This is one of those candies that will either grow on a person or just be meh. I find that the flavor isn’t strong enough to accompany the gummy texture for my liking. Calpis gummy candy is a good idea, and it may have worked if the flavor was more intense, but it falls a bit short in my book. But if you’re a Calpis fan, or gummy or yogurt fan, try Calpis candy and decide for yourself. Just don’t expect love at first bite.

Blueberry flavor is great no matter where it comes from. However, I’m a stickler for authenticity when it comes to blueberries. I’ll let fake strawberry slide, and will even welcome the chemical tang of “grape” soda. Just don’t mess with the blueberry. Will Meiji continue its streak of epic wins, or will it lose its mega points over blueberry gone wrong?

Packaging

Meiji’s made it to first base with this classy gold, cream and blue box. The tiny blueberries and picture of the product let buyers know what they’re investing in. The cute postage stamp in the corner and the pic of Hokkaido in the background are also nice imagery and convey the inspiration for the treat. So, are blueberries native to Hokkaido and what makes Hokkaido blueberries so special…?

Each goodie is individually wrapped and is easily accessible through the lift-top, resealable tab on the box.
Score: A+

Appearance

I’ve seen Apollo before, in its mini choco/ strawberry incarnation, but blueberry is far more impressive than its minute sibling. The pretty, purple topped white chocolate confection is about an inch high and has tiny flecks of authentic blueberry embedded inside. It looks like the real deal, i.e. real blueberries (and reading the ingredient list confirms it)!
Score: A+

Texture

The texture is more chewy than melt -in-your-mouth, and reminds me of a very soft caramel melt instead of a chocolate. While smooth, the choco is still oddly chewy. The flecks of blueberry add interesting mouth feel.
Score: A

Flavor

Apollo Blueberry rounds home base with its fantastic true blueberry flavor. The first thing that hits the senses is the fruity, berry aroma. One bite backs up what the nose is saying: this is real blueberry! The white chocolate is almost insignificant compared to the berry-ness but the two are a great combo and taste like berries and cream, a real win for Meiji.

There isn’t an overwhelming sweetness to Blueberry, but it still satisfies the sugar cravings while avoiding knocking a person out from sugar shock. Too much sugar would have drowned out the natural flavor of the berries and the balance in Apollo is just right. Score: A+

Verdict

Apollo Blueberry is a delish, berry-ific offering from Meiji and has made it onto my list of “Get Your Own!” candies. The real blueberries are what made the difference in making this a home run instead of a foul. While it may be seasonal, I’ll be thinking longingly of this goody way after Hokkaido’s blueberries are gone.

There’s this weird phenomena in Japan that, for whatever reason, men can’t be seen eating unsanctioned “female” candy. They can’t grab a box of Milk Pocky or Strawberry YamYam and still be thought manly and mature. This is at least the impression I get from candy makers whenever I see “Men’s Pocky” or “Men’s Bitter Chocolate”. What the heck? Can’t men in Japan get their sugar on? Apparently, Japanese men can only eat candy that’s not too sweet nor too girlish. And the packaging must be manly and mature. Once again, this is my impression, but when I asked a male Japanese friend if my impression was correct, he said, “Usually.”

Another friend went back to Japan and brought me back this Kizami Cacao, by Morinaga. I like Morinaga. They’re not terribly inventive, but they do chocolate fairly well. So I wasn’t unhappy with my pal’s choice of native candy, he was after all, male, and men must buy candy approved by the Manly Board of Japan…

Packaging

The packaging is elegant, masculine even. The black and brown gradient background is set off by the minimal kanji and Engrish: “KIZAMI-CACAO is a real and rich taste bitter chocolate.” The product is prominently displayed life-sized in a corner. It’s a very attractive box, but the spiffy packaging doesn’t stop there. The inside is set up so the individually-wrapped chocalate wafers are handily displayed. Niiiiccce. Score: A+

Appearance

The chocolates are about an inch and a half long by one inch wide. Some manner of topping is sprinkled just below the surface of the chocolate. It’s an elegant touch. Score: A

Texture

These chocolates are super smooth without a lot of greasy mouth feel some chocolates have. The sprinkled bits are hard to identify at first but I discover they’re bits of even darker chocolate embedded within. They give Kizami some added crispness. The chocolates are already a tad crisp due to their wafer-thinness. Score: A

Flavor

Rich, but not cloying is the first impression I get from Kizami Cacao, then I’m socked with bitterness. They weren’t kidding when they labeled this stuff bitter chocolate. 63% cocoa equals really dark chocolate. Dark chocolate must have at least 35% cocoa solids to be dark and Kizami’s got almost double that. The touch of sweetness that makes this stuff “candy” finally makes an appearance and shows the bitterness to the door. My poor tongue is still numb from the first bitter chocolate I’ve eaten as I unwrap a second piece. As a dark chocolate, this is a decent candy, but it’s almost too bitter to be enjoyable. Remember, if you’re a man, you can’t enjoy your chocolate! Score: B

Verdict

Kizami Cacao is definitely a chocolate marketed towards men, but there’s no reason anyone can’t savor the bitter taste of quality chocolate. If they like really, bitter, tongue numbing chocolate, that is.

Pizza Beans seem like a bad idea. A dichotomy exists between beans (healthy and nutritious) and pizza (delicious and lard-inducing) which seems too insurmountable to overcome. Kasugai already has snacks similar to this, though.

Kasugai Pizza Beans!

Wasabi peas, fried broad beans, and coated peanuts are among Kasugais savory offerings. All three have a tasty, crisp coating which is flavored or plain. Never before, however, was pizza used as a flavor in the coating.

Not only has Kasugai created a new taste sensation, they’ve attempted to merge two opposites together! How has Kasugai done this? What diabolical deliciousness (or not) awaits me in this bag? Let’s get this Pizza Bean party underway!

Packaging

Mega points on the packaging. First off, there’s a giant slice of meaty, greasy pizza, oozing with cheese right at the top of the bag. The flavor within must be hardcore pizza for the company to boldly slap a photo of it on their packaging. The picture dissolves into a darker gradient emblazoned with kanji. Immediately below the writing is a green banner declaring “Pizza Beans With Beer or Wine“. Thanks Kasugai.

Now I know what to munch on when I’m throwing back a few bottles of merlot ^_^. I’m also informed of these beanies’ pizza bend by “Pizza taste of rich flavor“. Seriously though, the design is colorful, artfully arranged and highly informative. I know exactly what I’m getting and how it’s supposed to taste. Even if the beans taste like crap, the packaging did its job; I bought ‘em cause the bag was so attractive. Score: A+

Appearance

Far from looking like beans, Pizza Beans look like flat pebbles covered in cheese. It’s an interesting effect. Score: A

Taste the pizza flavor!

Texture

These beans have a helluva crunch. The outer coating smacks the mouth around first, followed by the satisfying crunch of the “roasted” (read as “fried”) beans. It’s the perfect amount of texture with zero greasy feel. Unlike other fried, flavored snack foods, these lil’ treats don’t leave much on the hands in the way of powder and oil. Very satisfying. Score: A+

Flavor

I expected to be greeted with the smell of pizza after opening the bag, but there’s nothing but a slight scent of old socks and seaweed. The taste however is actually kinda pizza-y. Pizza Beans have a subtle, mature flavor which hints at pizza. The first flavor to hit is the tang of cheddar cheese, followed by a hint of sugar and herbs/spices, then finishes off with some heat and pepper. The coating adds a bit of a wheat note, giving the vague impression of pizza crust. It’s not bad, not exactly pizza, but a fair attempt thereof.

I wouldn’t immediately say these beans taste like “PIZZA”, but they do taste cheesy, tangy, and wheat-y, all of which are characteristic of pizza. If anything, Pizza Beans taste a lot like cheddar Combos with some zest. Not a bad thing, and slightly healthier than the Combos.  Score: A

The Verdict

I highly recommend trying these beans. You’ll never know they’re beans and you’ll get taste and texture which beats any Western junk food, hands down.

I’ve wanted to try the pumpkin Pocky ever since I discovered it on the Pocky Gallery two years ago. I silently craved to try this Pocky, only voicing my desire twice. But apparently, someone was listening, and that someone was David. He found “Lovely Halloween” at our local Chinese grocery, of all places. The expiration date isn’t for another year, so I’m not minding this late Halloween treat!

Those unfamiliar with Pocky need only know this: Pocky are cracker sticks dipped in a wide variety of sweet flavorings. These coatings range from authentic Japanese flavors such as kinako, to “odd” flavors such as honeydew, to international ones such as chocolate mousse.

There’s nothing exceptionally spectacular about Pocky besides the interesting variety it comes in. The Decorer varieties are a real treat, however, as this line of Pocky is loaded with thick layers of creamy goodness, and look like cupcakes on sticks.

Trying each variety to taste how well Glico captured the essence of the flavor is the real reason I eat Pocky. Plus the crunch from the cookie/ cracker gives me my texture fix.

Packaging

What clever marketing! Glico took flavors already in their Pocky lineup, and with some creative packaging, transformed them into seasonal sellers! “Lovely Halloween” is what this variety pack was dubbed. The graphics are attractive and beautifully rendered with appealing shades. The strawberry Pocky sports an ichigo jack o’ lantern wearing a witch’s hat, the milk Pocky has a weird marshmallow-o’-lantern-ghost thing, and the pumpkin displays a standard American jack o’ lantern.

Pumpkins, stars, and bats adorn the box on all sides. On the back, there’s even an instant costume in the way of an ichigo o’ lantern mask for kids. Kawaii! Score: A

Appearance

Most Pocky look underwhelming; they resemble edible sparklers or incense. The Decorer (which this particular line-up isn’t) are impressive looking things.

Lovely Halloween is made up of pale orange, white covered, and pink coated cracker sticks. Whoop-de doo. Score: B+

Texture

Pocky has a satisfying crunch tempered by a sweet, creamy coating. They’re fun to eat on the go and are a real pleaser in the texture department. Score: A

Flavor

Pumpkin: What a gyp! Here I was all set to experience pumpkin goodness, but all I got was caramel! Not even kabocha, caramel. Weak. I keep waiting for some hint of pumpkin, or even pumpkin pie spice, but all that’s coming through is caramel. It’s not an unpleasant flavor, but it sure as hell isn’t pumpkin.

Why advertise this as pumpkin then??! There’s a frick’n jack o’ lantern on the box with the word “pumpkin” over it. Am I wrong to expect pumpkin? Maybe the makers of pumpkin Pocky believe American pumpkins (especially Halloween pumpkins) taste like caramel. I can’t think of a better reason for why I was so painfully cheated outta actual pumpkin flavor!!!

However, as a flavor in itself, the caramel for “pumpkin” is smooth without a bite and is not overly sweet. It’s actually tasty, but the bitterness of my pumpkin let-down makes the caramel taste like ashes in my mouth. Score: B

Milk: “Milk” reminds me of “Werther’s” toffee for some reason. It’s good and has a rich creamy taste. Score: A

Strawberry: Strawberry has a full, creamy taste and tastes like a strawberry milkshake. Strawberry milkshakes on sticks; the way of the future? Score: A

Verdict

The packaging for this variety pack makes this a visually appealing product, and at $3.60 for four packs of Pocky, this is a steal. But, don’t expect to be wowed by the flavors, all of which are available as individual flavors year round. If anything, buy “Lovely Halloween” for its aesthetics and the free strawberry witch jack o’ lantern mask.

It says “Tamagogani” on the package but I think they meant to say “Tamago kani”. Tamago means egg or fish egg. Kani means crab. So you put the two together and get the rough translation of "egg crab" or baby crab. Tamago kani is manufactured by the Takuma Shokuhin Company . These are the same people who came up with squid flavored chocolate and curry flavored chocolates. Ho boy! Can’t wait to put that in a Christmas stocking!

Let’s just look at these guys for a minute before chowing down; they’re hermit crabs that’ve been roasted whole (in the damn shell!!) and candy coated in a mixture of Red #40, sugar, soy sauce and MSG. Then, lil’ sesame seeds have been liberally sprinkled on top. They look almost exactly as they did in life except that they’re more red, dismembered and sesame coated. Their wee black eyes seem to say, “You killed us Rachel! Why? Don’t you love us anymore?” Gee, if that doesn’t put a halt to your snack attack then nothing will.

I waited until I was really hungry to eat this, I mean REALLY hungry. We all know hunger is the best spice. But actually, no amount of spice in the world woulda made this crap any better and I had a lotta spice at 1:00 in the afternoon.

I put one in my mouth and waited for the party I was promised on the packaging. No bells no confetti, just a sweet and incredibly salty flavor kinda seeped onto my tongue. Chewin’ time…Oh, grosss!! It’s crunchy in a baaaad way! Eww, gritty, crunchy sand abrading teeth, must, chew, faster! I crunched and more salt exploded in my mouth. Arrgggg! Keep on chewing Rachel; it’s almost over, but noooo! There’s a chewy inside as well! It’s the small, barely there amount of crab meat that all hermit crabs hide inside their chitinous selves. So now, along with sandy, gritty crunchiness, I’m assaulted by chewy morsels of roasted crab meat that don’t taste like crab!!

Finally after what seemed like forever, it’s over, I swallow it and now I’m really thirsty. I look at the package and at the small forms on the plate and decide to try it just one more time. Craappp! Same thing! Wait, wait, wait, just one more…Stupppiddd! OK, now, they can’t be so horrible (I’m really, really hungry by this time BTW), so one more. Bleh, now I’m done.

I have horrific heartburn and my mouth feels like a sandy sewer, but it’s over with. My chest hurts for some reason and I have a hard time breathing (No, I’m not allergic to crab or MSG, I thought of that). Don’t know why…maybe it’s the fact that my innards are retaliating for the brutal torture I’m putting them through by eating this crap. Ohhh, it feels like a lump in my chest. If it feels bad there I don’t wanna know how it’s gonna feel in five hours…

I have no idea what to say right now. I feel kinda dirty for having eaten so many when I knew they were awful. Hell, it’s an hour later and I still have a nasty salty, ass-like after taste haunting my mouth. How Takuma Shokuhin executives look at themselves in the mirror AND stay in business is a mystery to me.
TEXTURE:
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APPEARANCE:
PACKAGING:
Giving these hurtful snacks an overall: